you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
