If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize