Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
When are your genitals available?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
