Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Couch. On fire.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
