One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
