If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
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