i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
