we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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