Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
my poor anus
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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