if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
