Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize