sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
