...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
