She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
