im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
we're so committed to being not committed
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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