You just made me feel so damn special
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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