She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
