Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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