it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
