how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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