k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
