I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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