just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
is wine microwaveable?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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