We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
