there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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