So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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