I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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