dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
