I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
