I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize