So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
