well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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