I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize