Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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