I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
