Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
