The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize