Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
