I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
