Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
