Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
