Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
