I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize