So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
