Just cropdusted the office
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
