I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
