Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
