how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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