I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
