Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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