Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
