That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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