ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
