Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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