Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
soo... how was my night?
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