Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
