i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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