you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize