I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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