we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
