i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
