guys are not supposed to queef...right?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
tonight lets celebrate not being married
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
