Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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