Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
