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I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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