I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
