omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
