Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize