apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
