there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Bring me that man meat
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
