i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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