Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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