Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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