I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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