he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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