once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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