I murdered the dance floor call the cops
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
