We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
even my farts smell like vagina
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
