i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
