That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
