His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Couch. On fire.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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