I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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