She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize