One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
