is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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