I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
PANTIES FOUND
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