I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
