I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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