I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
