fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
