apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
