Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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