He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
