I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
