I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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