We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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