Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
