plz talk dirty to me
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
