White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
