these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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