If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I need to sanitize my soul.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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